Conversations With The Children

[Ingrid standing on my feet]
Me: Ow, Ingrid, don't stand on my feet.  That hurts me.
Ingrid: But it doesn't hurt me.

[Ingrid backwashes into my glass]
Ingrid: Mommy, I have flotsam and jetsam in my cup.

[Overheard at the Skidmores']
Henry: Why does everybody hate me?
Julia: Henry, I know how you feel.

[Ingrid and Heidi both screaming.  Henry badgering me incessantly about something totally inane.]
Me: Henry, your sisters are losing their minds.  We've discussed this.  If it isn't important, please wait until no one is screaming to tell me.
Henry: Then I will NEVER get to talk to you!!!!