Stresses Me Out
Things I hate doing:
Getting into day care in DC is absolute madness. Most of the day care centers around here are run by the same company and it takes a year or more to get off the wait lists. Last spring I visited half a dozen centers and put us on the wait lists. I signed up for all the ones near our offices downtown, the ones our coworkers recommended, but visiting them didn't exactly leave me feeling enthusiastic. The toddlers all seemed to be having a really good time, but the baby rooms all seemed a little sad. Most of the centers are in the basements of giant federal buildings, and despite copious use of lime green and sunny yellow paint, they still feel like basements. The caregiver turnover rate is incredibly high, so if someone has been there two or three years, it's considered a long time. And for all this, $450 a week. Yes, a week.
Though many people languish on waitlists for years, Karl has priority at the day care center sponsored by his agency, and we were offered a spot for Henry in March. It wasn't my favorite among the centers I visited because the baby-caregiver ratio is higher (3-1 instead of 2-1 at some other places) and the turnover rate was even higher than average. But putting him in that center would have the benefit of being in Karl's building where Karl could check up on him. Nonetheless, despite being a federal employee, Karl does actually have work to do, and being in the same building doesn't mean the guys can hang out together all day. I know people wait and wait for spots, and it would have been totally fine, but it just made me really sad to think about dropping him off there.
So we started looking into nannies. There is an incredible spectrum of experience and style and English-language fluency, and you basically get what you pay for, with very experienced nannies earning roughly double what day care costs. In other words, totally unaffordable. The solution: nanny-share. Thanks to the fantastic neighborhood moms' group, we found another couple with a son just a week older than Henry who was interested in sharing a nanny. We met up for coffee, they and their half-size (read: normal-sized) baby seemed very nice, and they have work schedules similar to ours, so we tentatively agreed to team up.
Last week was a flurry of interviews and calling references. It was exhausting (see #1 above). The other family interviewed several people, we interviewed several people, and then we swapped favorites. We ended up finding Elaine, a really nice woman who has been a nanny for 20 years. She still visits the kids from her first family though they are now out of college, and came highly recommended by two other moms in our neighborhood who shared her until their babies started preschool. She's very active and talkative -- in fact, Henry will probably get much more verbal stimulation than he would with me, though he may start kindergarten with a faint Jamaican accent.
We wrote an employment contract and, because three of the four parents are lawyers, flipped at least five redline drafts between us in about two days. There are still some odds and ends to take care of, such as finding a payroll company to handle all the employer and tax logistics. Because if I'm going to leave my kid and go back to law land, I tell myself it's because someday someone will appoint me to the bench, and y'all, I am not having my confirmation hearings held up because we had an illegal nanny.
I'm still feeling panicky about leaving Henry all day every day, but less so than when I pictured leaving him in a basement day care center. The nanny is great and Henry will be fine. We'll see if I am.
- Talking to people I don't know, especially on the phone.
- Making major decisions quickly.
- Thinking about being away from the baby.
Getting into day care in DC is absolute madness. Most of the day care centers around here are run by the same company and it takes a year or more to get off the wait lists. Last spring I visited half a dozen centers and put us on the wait lists. I signed up for all the ones near our offices downtown, the ones our coworkers recommended, but visiting them didn't exactly leave me feeling enthusiastic. The toddlers all seemed to be having a really good time, but the baby rooms all seemed a little sad. Most of the centers are in the basements of giant federal buildings, and despite copious use of lime green and sunny yellow paint, they still feel like basements. The caregiver turnover rate is incredibly high, so if someone has been there two or three years, it's considered a long time. And for all this, $450 a week. Yes, a week.
Though many people languish on waitlists for years, Karl has priority at the day care center sponsored by his agency, and we were offered a spot for Henry in March. It wasn't my favorite among the centers I visited because the baby-caregiver ratio is higher (3-1 instead of 2-1 at some other places) and the turnover rate was even higher than average. But putting him in that center would have the benefit of being in Karl's building where Karl could check up on him. Nonetheless, despite being a federal employee, Karl does actually have work to do, and being in the same building doesn't mean the guys can hang out together all day. I know people wait and wait for spots, and it would have been totally fine, but it just made me really sad to think about dropping him off there.
So we started looking into nannies. There is an incredible spectrum of experience and style and English-language fluency, and you basically get what you pay for, with very experienced nannies earning roughly double what day care costs. In other words, totally unaffordable. The solution: nanny-share. Thanks to the fantastic neighborhood moms' group, we found another couple with a son just a week older than Henry who was interested in sharing a nanny. We met up for coffee, they and their half-size (read: normal-sized) baby seemed very nice, and they have work schedules similar to ours, so we tentatively agreed to team up.
Last week was a flurry of interviews and calling references. It was exhausting (see #1 above). The other family interviewed several people, we interviewed several people, and then we swapped favorites. We ended up finding Elaine, a really nice woman who has been a nanny for 20 years. She still visits the kids from her first family though they are now out of college, and came highly recommended by two other moms in our neighborhood who shared her until their babies started preschool. She's very active and talkative -- in fact, Henry will probably get much more verbal stimulation than he would with me, though he may start kindergarten with a faint Jamaican accent.
We wrote an employment contract and, because three of the four parents are lawyers, flipped at least five redline drafts between us in about two days. There are still some odds and ends to take care of, such as finding a payroll company to handle all the employer and tax logistics. Because if I'm going to leave my kid and go back to law land, I tell myself it's because someday someone will appoint me to the bench, and y'all, I am not having my confirmation hearings held up because we had an illegal nanny.
I'm still feeling panicky about leaving Henry all day every day, but less so than when I pictured leaving him in a basement day care center. The nanny is great and Henry will be fine. We'll see if I am.
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| Who wouldn't want to take care of this guy? |
That is tough! Hope this situation works well for you and Henry. Give it time to work the kinks out and I'm sure all will be well. Good luck!
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