Sh*t I Never Thought I Would Say
"Henry! Do not put Jesse Ventura's amputated foot in your mouth!"
Karl has a Jesse "The Mind" Ventura doll. It looks like a Ken doll on steroids. Question 1: Why does Karl have a Jesse Ventura doll? (Actually, Question 1 should be: Why do the people of Minnesota, who are otherwise so sensible, elect so many weirdos?).
Anyway, Henry loves the Jesse Ventura doll. Last night he was trying to take off Jesse's white rubber hi-tops and polyester socks and ripped off his plastic foot in the process. Question 2: Why does Henry love dressing and undressing Jesse Ventura so much? Poor Jesse had been surviving peacefully in Karl's box of high school memorabilia for fifteen years, but he didn't last six months with our brutish toddler.
Then Henry decided to eat the foot, which was precisely the right size to make it a tossup whether he could choke on it or swallow it. Query whether it's better to gag on an amputated foot or ingest an amputated foot.
I told him to bring me a band-aid from the bathroom so I could bind Jesse's foot back onto his plastic ankle.
Henry raced back in, proudly brandishing a box of maxi pads. Close, buddy, close.
Karl has a Jesse "The Mind" Ventura doll. It looks like a Ken doll on steroids. Question 1: Why does Karl have a Jesse Ventura doll? (Actually, Question 1 should be: Why do the people of Minnesota, who are otherwise so sensible, elect so many weirdos?).
Anyway, Henry loves the Jesse Ventura doll. Last night he was trying to take off Jesse's white rubber hi-tops and polyester socks and ripped off his plastic foot in the process. Question 2: Why does Henry love dressing and undressing Jesse Ventura so much? Poor Jesse had been surviving peacefully in Karl's box of high school memorabilia for fifteen years, but he didn't last six months with our brutish toddler.
Then Henry decided to eat the foot, which was precisely the right size to make it a tossup whether he could choke on it or swallow it. Query whether it's better to gag on an amputated foot or ingest an amputated foot.
I told him to bring me a band-aid from the bathroom so I could bind Jesse's foot back onto his plastic ankle.
Henry raced back in, proudly brandishing a box of maxi pads. Close, buddy, close.
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