You Mean I Have to Parent It?
Henry has a pretty agreeable disposition and generally behaves pretty well, so we haven't had to spend much time pondering our disciplinary philosophy yet. But we have had a few run-ins last week that indicate it's time to formulate some semblance of a plan for how to handle unacceptable behavior.
On Monday at dinner Henry was acting like a complete nutter for no apparent reason. I'm not even sure what set him off, but whatever it was, it quickly escalated to food-flinging and the angry-rage screaming that he normally reserves for sleeping in hotel rooms. Since this is unusual, I picked him up to make sure nothing was wrong. Then I offered to let him sit on my lap and eat, since sometimes he gets cranky when the cuddle bucket is empty. No luck. Still angry rage. So I took him away from the table and sat with him in the living room and read a short book. He calmed down almost immediately, which meant that he was not in any physical distress. But as soon as I got up and tried to resume dinner he started screaming again. Not knowing what else to do, I just plunked him back on the couch and left him there. My blood pressure was something like 300/200 but Karl and I both remained outwardly calm and we just went back to our dinner.
Another couple of nights he started in with the same antics, with added food-throwing. It's not like it's unusual for him to toss a bite or two, and our usual response has been to simply tell him that we don't throw food and then take his tray away for awhile. Usually this is sufficient reminder and then he doesn't do it for the rest of the meal. Okay, no problem. He's little, learning to be civilized is a slow process, it's cool. But last week he was chucking food on the floor very intentionally, after we've already given the friendly reminder, and with a look in his eye that clearly communicates that he knows full well that he is being naughty. Maybe even like he's trying to piss us off. And it might have worked. Karl got annoyed and put Henry in "time out" by turning his chair to face away from the table. I got pissed and even used that shrieky annoying mom voice that no one wants to believe they will ever use.
Frankly, Strategy A of removing him from the table and ignoring him seemed to work better. He did calm himself down while left alone and Karl and I got to go about our dinner. My pissed-off voice didn't work because it made Henry even more shrieky and Karl's strategy didn't seem to work because Henry didn't give a damn that he was in time-out.
As he gets older we'll want to teach him that he needs to control his behavior while staying in the situation. But that probably can't happen until he's old enough to have a little foresight and/or care about staying at the party. Maybe all we really need to accomplish at this point is to establish that the crazy toddler does not get to run the show. If I have offered you both physical and emotional succor and you continue to behave like someone on bath salts, you just have to take it elsewhere. We all have days when we feel generally pissed off at the world, and it's okay for you to feel like that, but you don't get to impose your psycho on the rest of us.
Henry has been back to his usual delightful self this week. We should probably use this reprieve to figure out what the heck we're doing.
On Monday at dinner Henry was acting like a complete nutter for no apparent reason. I'm not even sure what set him off, but whatever it was, it quickly escalated to food-flinging and the angry-rage screaming that he normally reserves for sleeping in hotel rooms. Since this is unusual, I picked him up to make sure nothing was wrong. Then I offered to let him sit on my lap and eat, since sometimes he gets cranky when the cuddle bucket is empty. No luck. Still angry rage. So I took him away from the table and sat with him in the living room and read a short book. He calmed down almost immediately, which meant that he was not in any physical distress. But as soon as I got up and tried to resume dinner he started screaming again. Not knowing what else to do, I just plunked him back on the couch and left him there. My blood pressure was something like 300/200 but Karl and I both remained outwardly calm and we just went back to our dinner.
Another couple of nights he started in with the same antics, with added food-throwing. It's not like it's unusual for him to toss a bite or two, and our usual response has been to simply tell him that we don't throw food and then take his tray away for awhile. Usually this is sufficient reminder and then he doesn't do it for the rest of the meal. Okay, no problem. He's little, learning to be civilized is a slow process, it's cool. But last week he was chucking food on the floor very intentionally, after we've already given the friendly reminder, and with a look in his eye that clearly communicates that he knows full well that he is being naughty. Maybe even like he's trying to piss us off. And it might have worked. Karl got annoyed and put Henry in "time out" by turning his chair to face away from the table. I got pissed and even used that shrieky annoying mom voice that no one wants to believe they will ever use.
Frankly, Strategy A of removing him from the table and ignoring him seemed to work better. He did calm himself down while left alone and Karl and I got to go about our dinner. My pissed-off voice didn't work because it made Henry even more shrieky and Karl's strategy didn't seem to work because Henry didn't give a damn that he was in time-out.
As he gets older we'll want to teach him that he needs to control his behavior while staying in the situation. But that probably can't happen until he's old enough to have a little foresight and/or care about staying at the party. Maybe all we really need to accomplish at this point is to establish that the crazy toddler does not get to run the show. If I have offered you both physical and emotional succor and you continue to behave like someone on bath salts, you just have to take it elsewhere. We all have days when we feel generally pissed off at the world, and it's okay for you to feel like that, but you don't get to impose your psycho on the rest of us.
Henry has been back to his usual delightful self this week. We should probably use this reprieve to figure out what the heck we're doing.
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